Again

It’s been a while since I last posted on this blog and many things have happened in my life since. I’ve managed a honours degree, secured a job that pays well and some new socks. Trying to get back in to the freelance scene cause the money is good. Now the problem is that work is taking up a huge amount of my time. But I’ve got time to read and play games on my xbox360 during the weekend. All in all life is pretty easy these days. Until…

Someone came back in to my life; someone I never really fell out of love with. It seems that those feelings never went away, they were always there, lingering, waiting, waiting for the right moment to ambush me. She came, we met, I went whoa! We talked. We found much in common, more than before. We’d both grown up, matured, had similar interests and it appears a mutual attraction for each other. It came out. We talked some more. Unfortunately circumstances were such that we couldn’t meet more. She left. We chatted on Skype. Video chatted. But then, the adult kicked in and we found, thinking through our heads that this shit ain’t gonna fly. With the greatest difficulty we agreed to stay away from each other. I suck at it. I need her. I am in love. wtf? All over again. The wrong time, the wrong space and the wrong continent. Again.

Kudos to her. She’s managed to stay away and I’ve realized that I should give her the space she needs and keep quiet. It’s a struggle, it’s hard to see her online and not message. It’s hard to know her email address and not email her. It’s hard to have her phone number stored in my addressbook and not call her or text her. It’s fucking hard. It’s fucked up. But it’s something I gotta do. Space! Take a step back. Being unselfish in these situations is not easy and is particularly hard for me, and I’ve realized that it would suck if I was always in her face and didn’t allow her to get over it. So, I write this post, to get it out of my system. To say it out loud for no one in particular to hear. She’d never see this, she’d possibly never know how I feel, how much it pains me. But that’s just it. That’s how life is. Gotta move on.

I thought I’d never fall in love again, but it happened; again. I thought I’d never feel like this about someone again, after the last time’s juvenile bullshit, but it’s happened and I’m happy that I can feel like this again. I do love this girl and I honestly believe that if it is meant to happen it will. God’s will will prevail, no matter what

This Life…

This life has gone from being somewhat hectic to a freak-show of work. I never anticipated trying to study something and have a full-time work responsibility to be this hard. Add to that a pinch of freelance work and a reputation to keep and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster, or a lot less sleep than the human body needs. Speaking of the human body, I’ve now gotten myself a gym membership at the college gym. When I say college most people think it’s that other school by the sea. NO. I went to the better one in the better part of Colombo. Anyway the gym is better. Now add to my list of things the physical fatigue of working out.

This all seems a little crazy and has left me with no time to read. Which I must tell you sucks balls cause I have a bunch of good books that are waiting for me. The new acquisitions in the form of a bicycle and camera led me on an adventure that included some photography along the west coast. However, due to this stretch of the coast being labelled a HSZ, the photo ops were pretty much screwed. Adventure on the other hand was pretty good and I did get back in one piece. Hence this post.

All in all I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I can chew a lot. But this is becoming a lot tiring. Transport costs a lot of my time which I don’t have. Visiting my clients and getting things done is also a little screwed up. I don’t have a ride, still, and this makes things worse. Threewheeler fares are through the roof and I consider it a waste of money. So bus it is. But bus is tiring to the max and the weather these days is not helpful. The only thing that is keeping me going at this point in time is the fact that by this time next year I would probably have an entirely different life.  A better one. With more money in the bank and fewer hassles. But the hassles will never be fewer, probably a lot less annoying. Then again it helps to be hopeful. We shall find out in a year or so won’t we?

You need not feel pity. I just needed to let it all out. And now I feel better.

You know?

Some thoughts have been running through this muddled, work filled mind of mine. There’ve been plenty decisions to make and quite frankly I think I’ve made the right ones.

I still haven’t properly met her after the hedkandy party Last December. Can you believe? Hikkaduwa was crazy for me at least and I was rather pissed off about being snobbed the weekend before. Anyway, the thing thats bothering me seems to be the fact that she’s leaving. Well its not bothering me. I’m quite happy that she’s finally got what she’s been wanting forever. Or has she? Well based on what I was told last year that’s what she wanted. Anyway, back to the point – I think I wanna see her before she leaves. Coffee? Drinks? Dinner? whatever, just sit down, have a few laughs, clear the air. Friends. But then there’s part of me that says she ain’t gonna even make a text message of a goodbye. If there’s anyone who could be more selfish than me sibling it’s her. And bloody hell it would be quite natural for me to find out from someone else that she’s gone.

Why am I even still on about her? I don’t know myself. I’ll let you know when I do get to know. In the meantime I need to reduce the alcohol intake on weekends and stop making a hash of my nights out. It’s become an embarrassing affair, this whole going out and getting plastered thing. I best stop it for a while, at least till December. I need to save up the cash for the Blackberry Bold.

Bloody disappointment in terms of the camera, which I believe I won’t be getting this week. CRAP!!!! What to do. On the other hand I am loving the new Bicycle. The Shimano geers and the front shocks rock….

So, here’s the thing…

Been partying like a bitch this month. It all started with Bradby on the last weekend of June and has continued non-stop since. The massive rate of inflation has taken it’s toll and partying hard like this leaves a massive dent in your wallet. It’s all good. We make money to spend no?

I was planning on staying in last Friday since there are two massive weekends coming up. Bolgoda first and then Hikkaduwa. My plans for staying home were shattered when I was reminded of the Thriloka concert at the Russian Cultural Centre. I went for their concert last year and I loved it. Hence I really wanted to go for this one too. I went. I went to SSC after that. Then went to Zanziba to meet an ex who was in town for a week. It took us quite some time to leave SSC by which time the girl was extremely grumpy and annoyed. She hung out with me for a while and left. We danced a bit, chatted some and well she had to leave. Drank some more at Zanziba. I think I used Margarita as a chaser for my Vodka. It was quite good. Went to Sugar. Hassle. They closed. We left to RNB. By the way, those burgers downstairs are pretty good. RnB was at it’s dying stages when we went in. We got a bottle and settled down for a drink. I went around and said Hi! to a few people including Marshmallow.

A brilliant night, again as July continues to keep the party scene tripping. I love this. My life has taken a turn for the better and it’s awesome. There doesn’t seem to be anything that could get me down. Not even being snobbed by a person I care about – yeah still care about her…. So much for that high-up-on-a-pedestal shit…. ha ha ha…

So, here’s the thing – If you haven’t met someone in ages, like say, since December, you would generally say “hey! how, blah blah blah” at least right? You wouldn’t give a half-assed wave and look the other way would you? Say if that person hasn’t done anything wrong to you? Would you? Complex! Who the fuck cares? Her loss, not mine… Now who’s immature ah?

On the rise…

The cost of living is on the rise. Fuck. Drinking and partying is unbelievably expensive. Good thing I got myself a job cause this July is turning out to be MAD BAD. There’s some massive party almost every weekend and I’ve also had to entertain a bunch of grown men from the previous generation; which I must say is a completely different trip.

The Clife has also taken a massive U-turn and is going waaay good. Things are kinda perfect at the moment (and I hope I don’t jinx it with this post). Work is good, challenging and hectic. Competent staff are so hard to find these days and even the few competent ones seem to be leaving the country. I recently received word of another such competent intelligent Sri Lankan is going to leave for the Land of The Free. Damned shame. Another loss to this country.

I seem to have gone from a lazy, TV watching guy with a schedule that’s envied by most, to a guy who’s working all the time. My current schedule includes coming to work every morning for my 9-5, then home to work on some of the freelance projects. Sleep at 1am. There’s some correspondence in the middle of the night with the parent company of my 9-5, since they are based in Mountain View, CA aka Silicon Valley.

I met a girl who’s almost perfect. Just that she’s a little older and she’s doesn’t live in LK. Another one of those who are fed up with the state of affairs and decided to take her talents to another country. Damn shame. What to do? Such is life. But this life is good, great and happening.

Protected: And so it continues…

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