Someone came back in to my life; someone I never really fell out of love with. It seems that those feelings never went away, they were always there, lingering, waiting, waiting for the right moment to ambush me. She came, we met, I went whoa! We talked. We found much in common, more than before. We’d both grown up, matured, had similar interests and it appears a mutual attraction for each other. It came out. We talked some more. Unfortunately circumstances were such that we couldn’t meet more. She left. We chatted on Skype. Video chatted. But then, the adult kicked in and we found, thinking through our heads that this shit ain’t gonna fly. With the greatest difficulty we agreed to stay away from each other. I suck at it. I need her. I am in love. wtf? All over again. The wrong time, the wrong space and the wrong continent. Again.

Kudos to her. She’s managed to stay away and I’ve realized that I should give her the space she needs and keep quiet. It’s a struggle, it’s hard to see her online and not message. It’s hard to know her email address and not email her. It’s hard to have her phone number stored in my addressbook and not call her or text her. It’s fucking hard. It’s fucked up. But it’s something I gotta do. Space! Take a step back. Being unselfish in these situations is not easy and is particularly hard for me, and I’ve realized that it would suck if I was always in her face and didn’t allow her to get over it. So, I write this post, to get it out of my system. To say it out loud for no one in particular to hear. She’d never see this, she’d possibly never know how I feel, how much it pains me. But that’s just it. That’s how life is. Gotta move on.

I thought I’d never fall in love again, but it happened; again. I thought I’d never feel like this about someone again, after the last time’s juvenile bullshit, but it’s happened and I’m happy that I can feel like this again. I do love this girl and I honestly believe that if it is meant to happen it will. God’s will will prevail, no matter what

This all seems a little crazy and has left me with no time to read. Which I must tell you sucks balls cause I have a bunch of good books that are waiting for me. The new acquisitions in the form of a bicycle and camera led me on an adventure that included some photography along the west coast. However, due to this stretch of the coast being labelled a HSZ, the photo ops were pretty much screwed. Adventure on the other hand was pretty good and I did get back in one piece. Hence this post.

All in all I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I can chew a lot. But this is becoming a lot tiring. Transport costs a lot of my time which I don’t have. Visiting my clients and getting things done is also a little screwed up. I don’t have a ride, still, and this makes things worse. Threewheeler fares are through the roof and I consider it a waste of money. So bus it is. But bus is tiring to the max and the weather these days is not helpful. The only thing that is keeping me going at this point in time is the fact that by this time next year I would probably have an entirely different life.  A better one. With more money in the bank and fewer hassles. But the hassles will never be fewer, probably a lot less annoying. Then again it helps to be hopeful. We shall find out in a year or so won’t we?

You need not feel pity. I just needed to let it all out. And now I feel better.

I still haven’t properly met her after the hedkandy party Last December. Can you believe? Hikkaduwa was crazy for me at least and I was rather pissed off about being snobbed the weekend before. Anyway, the thing thats bothering me seems to be the fact that she’s leaving. Well its not bothering me. I’m quite happy that she’s finally got what she’s been wanting forever. Or has she? Well based on what I was told last year that’s what she wanted. Anyway, back to the point – I think I wanna see her before she leaves. Coffee? Drinks? Dinner? whatever, just sit down, have a few laughs, clear the air. Friends. But then there’s part of me that says she ain’t gonna even make a text message of a goodbye. If there’s anyone who could be more selfish than me sibling it’s her. And bloody hell it would be quite natural for me to find out from someone else that she’s gone.

Why am I even still on about her? I don’t know myself. I’ll let you know when I do get to know. In the meantime I need to reduce the alcohol intake on weekends and stop making a hash of my nights out. It’s become an embarrassing affair, this whole going out and getting plastered thing. I best stop it for a while, at least till December. I need to save up the cash for the Blackberry Bold.

Bloody disappointment in terms of the camera, which I believe I won’t be getting this week. CRAP!!!! What to do. On the other hand I am loving the new Bicycle. The Shimano geers and the front shocks rock….

I was planning on staying in last Friday since there are two massive weekends coming up. Bolgoda first and then Hikkaduwa. My plans for staying home were shattered when I was reminded of the Thriloka concert at the Russian Cultural Centre. I went for their concert last year and I loved it. Hence I really wanted to go for this one too. I went. I went to SSC after that. Then went to Zanziba to meet an ex who was in town for a week. It took us quite some time to leave SSC by which time the girl was extremely grumpy and annoyed. She hung out with me for a while and left. We danced a bit, chatted some and well she had to leave. Drank some more at Zanziba. I think I used Margarita as a chaser for my Vodka. It was quite good. Went to Sugar. Hassle. They closed. We left to RNB. By the way, those burgers downstairs are pretty good. RnB was at it’s dying stages when we went in. We got a bottle and settled down for a drink. I went around and said Hi! to a few people including Marshmallow.

A brilliant night, again as July continues to keep the party scene tripping. I love this. My life has taken a turn for the better and it’s awesome. There doesn’t seem to be anything that could get me down. Not even being snobbed by a person I care about – yeah still care about her…. So much for that high-up-on-a-pedestal shit…. ha ha ha…

So, here’s the thing – If you haven’t met someone in ages, like say, since December, you would generally say “hey! how, blah blah blah” at least right? You wouldn’t give a half-assed wave and look the other way would you? Say if that person hasn’t done anything wrong to you? Would you? Complex! Who the fuck cares? Her loss, not mine… Now who’s immature ah?

The Clife has also taken a massive U-turn and is going waaay good. Things are kinda perfect at the moment (and I hope I don’t jinx it with this post). Work is good, challenging and hectic. Competent staff are so hard to find these days and even the few competent ones seem to be leaving the country. I recently received word of another such competent intelligent Sri Lankan is going to leave for the Land of The Free. Damned shame. Another loss to this country.

I seem to have gone from a lazy, TV watching guy with a schedule that’s envied by most, to a guy who’s working all the time. My current schedule includes coming to work every morning for my 9-5, then home to work on some of the freelance projects. Sleep at 1am. There’s some correspondence in the middle of the night with the parent company of my 9-5, since they are based in Mountain View, CA aka Silicon Valley.

I met a girl who’s almost perfect. Just that she’s a little older and she’s doesn’t live in LK. Another one of those who are fed up with the state of affairs and decided to take her talents to another country. Damn shame. What to do? Such is life. But this life is good, great and happening.

A topic of conversation that’s cropped up a few times has been “how come you can put all that personal shit online? Its not like people don’t know who Scourge is.” Well some people might know, at least the blogger folk. No matter. The pseudonym was to steer clear of the nosy office women. I really don’t give a toss who reads this. I write cause I like and it lets me speak to several people at the same time. Then some leave comments, which is neat. Right, but how can I put this shit on the net for people to see? Well like I said, I’ve got nothing to hide. As long as I safeguard the identities of the other people involved then it should be fine. I think. But then again, there are some who think that “I went to dinner the other night with X” is fucking slander. Anyway, fact is that I am straight and there’s no like second fucking life that I live in private and I’m secure enough to say, darn that incident made me cry or I got plastered or I got arrested. Its just another thing for me to talk about while having a drink on the beach. After all life is about the stories isn’t it? Pow for all you people who have to live two lives. How will you ever share the awesome stories / adventures that went on in your secret life? Shame!

Studies are heading in the right direction. Final exams are in a week and I am keeping busy with preparations. I’ve acquired a few gigs in terms of writing and they are funding my habits. A couple of large scale gigs are also in the future and they look like they’ll work out. More $$$ along with some good exposure Read a few very interesting books in the past few weeks, which have been ultra entertaining not to mention inspiring. My craving for beach fun coupled with adventure seems to have led me to plan a bicycle trip down south. Yes! you read it right the first time, a bicycle trip. I’ve convinced a friend to join me and we are planning to do this sometime early June. I’ve been cycling the past few weeks and don’t have a sore ass anymore. This is going to be too much fun.  iPod  full of 2008′s newest trance from across the world along with some max chilled Nitin Sawhney and Buddha Bar Albums and a bike seem to be too good to miss. The destination holds amazing beaches, great night life and some hot fun. What more does one need?

I seem to be finally living the life I’ve always wanted to live. However I must mention that I sometimes wish I had an equally chilled out, simple, straight up, adventurous, living on the edge kinda girlfriend to share these things with. But that’s only a small part. Looks like this summer is going to be way more interesting than the last…

Stars met us at the entrance and all the people at the party were under a small shed like thing where the music was rocking. Some people who’d been there since morning were having a good dance in the rain. It reminded me of the big match. Said “Hi!” to some people and went looking for the bar. No shots. Only bottles. Bacardi, Absolut and some other thing. Bacardi it was. Cokes and bottle in tow we stopped by a speaker and poured drinks. Ice. A pack of Ice along with a regifoam container cost 100 bucks. Wtf?

M and I managed most of the bottle minus 3 or 4 shots that we generously handed out to our friends. I managed to get my hands on some herbs in exchange for a bottle of water, which turned out to be the end of me. The cops shut the party down by 9.30. That loudspeaker crap after 10 law. Seksaay and her friend decided we should go to some place or the other. I don’t remember the name cause by this time I was positively flying. A ride in a Beemer 5 with the air-con on made sure that I was sick by the time we got to Holiday Inn. I got sick in the toilet. My stomach contents came rushing out… mostly coke and Bacardi and water. Crap. I got some more water. Couldn’t retain it so I ran back to the toilet. Got sick some more. Went back to the bar, rested my head on a chair and heard Seksaay and M talking about me being sick. Called my threewheeler dude and sat up. Bad move boy! Ran to the toilet but the little water in my stomach didn’t wait till I got to the commode. I came in the Lobby. My apologies to the staff at the Holiday Inn. Sorry guys but shit happens.

Dropped M home and came home at around 12.30 or 1 ish. I can’t remember. Woke up at about 8ish. No hangover no pain, nothing. Which got me thinking that if we start partying at about 6ish on regular Friday nights etc., we could finish up around 1 or 2 and be able to enjoy the next day as well. I had a rocking time. It’s been a while since I’ve drunk to the point of being sick and the party was rocking. Hardcore trance pulsated through the night time of the party. I love this country man… It rocks.